A Semester of Growth

This semester has contained a lot of growing and learning for me, and I’m not just talking about the law. I came to law school a perfectionist, the straight A student, one who readily admitted that their biggest fear was failure. I have never been good at delegating, and asking for help was a very foreign concept to me and my way of life. I always looked forward to difficult situations, because I knew they were opportunities for growth and development. So I was looking forward to law school and the growth it would bring to me. I knew it would be hard, but I had done hard things before (I served a mission in the Bible belt for heaven’s sake) and yet I have learned that I didn’t even being to understand the meaning of difficult. Like on my mission there were many times when it would have been easier to just give up, sit down, walk, away, or just not get out of bed in the morning. But I have learned that if I can just push forward a little bit longer, try to have patience, learn to delegate, apply the 80/20 rule to my life, learn to accept failures, to not require perfection, and to push myself beyond what I thought I was capable of doing I would see success.

Law school has been an opportunity to find out who I am and what is really important to me. There are so many good things that must get done each day, and there is always more to do then I have time to get it done in. But I have learned to priories, which is something I’ve struggled with before. For example one day I got up at 5:30 to come to school and work on a paper. I was fairly successful in getting the things done I needed to on my paper, but I did not get to the assignment I had due for my property class that day. I had woken up with the thought that morning, "Ya know, I might not get to that assignment before class, and I'm going to be ok with that. This paper is a higher priority right now.” I guess I could have worked on the assignment during my lunch hour, but I had a very good friend who wanted to take me to lunch to celebrate my birthday and catch up since we hadn’t seen each other in a very long time. It was fantastic to spend time with her. It was relaxing and nice just to chat with a friend for a few minutes. Sure I didn’t get the assignment done when I was supposed to, but the point is that I was ok with it. In the past not getting an assignment done would have been a point of break down and frustration, but I am learning how to priorities, to only stress over the really important things, and that it is more important to feel balanced in my life.

This semester hasn’t been all positive. I remember reading President Benson’s talk on Pride and thinking to myself, “How much humbler am I supposed to get? The Lord needs to humble me, I got that. I must be humbled to learn and to grow, but honestly I’m not sure how much lower I can get right now. Between school, self deprecation, and family pressures, I’m not sure how much more I can take.” I had hit a point where I was just so overwhelmed with all of things I had going on and needed to do. I felt like I was completely lost in all of my classes. I couldn’t figure out why the Lord had called me to a Relief Society Presidency in my first semester of law school and how in the world I was supposed to juggle that on top of everything else. Not to mention I was struggling in my relationships with family and friends. Bottom line I felt like I was drowning. Then one night I had a Relief Society Presidency regional training that I needed to attend when I really wanted to be working on my memo. Looking back I am very glad I attended. While I was there I had a member of one of the Stake Presidents look at me and tell me that the reason I had been called to the Relief Society Presidency was to save me from law school. When he first said this I was really confused. But upon further reflection, I have come to understand the wisdom of his words. We are on this earth to learn all that we can, to be tested and tried as to prepare ourselves to return to our Heavenly Parents. One of the best ways we can be prepared is to serve others, to put others needs above our own. My church calling has provided me a way to do this. It has also given me more meaning to my life. Yes law school is important, and I know it’s what I’m supposed to be doing, but there is a bigger picture to look at.

I don’t remember which assignment I read this in, but this quote has stuck with me ever since. “That discomfort—the very discomfort you feel with law school’s ambiguity and in life—can motivate you to lean into the wind and experience some real growth. After all, the true Church is intended not only to comfort the afflicted but also to afflict the comfortable.” It is how I respond to the discomfort that will determine my destiny. Another quite that has become important to me is one from Reinhold Neibuhr which states “God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed, courage to change what should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.” This is was I am trying to keep in mind as I head into finals. Like I have previously said, law school has become an important opportunity for me to find out who I am and what is really important to me.